Why Parenting Is the World’s Worst (& Best) Externality
What do the rise of iPad kids, the success of a selected few, and the shortening of attention spans have in common?
“Let’s evaluate your plan,” said my father, in reference to my study schedule for my upcoming exams; acing these exams is crucial, for they would determine my college and career.
After talking to him and gaining insights, I reflected:
How much had my parents’ professions (a professor and a teacher) impacted my school life and helped me in ways I didn’t realise?
Since my childhood, instead of being coaxed to study, my parents took charge of it. Their intervention reduced my struggles with subjects like mathematics; I developed self-discipline and confidence.
Whenever I scored low, they made me improve my flaws rather than scold me.
I have known my classmates for years — have seen them through their highs and lows. All of the ones “succeeding” in conventional terms have one aspect in common: Involved parents.
We have several renowned examples around us.
Take Serena and Venus Williams. Their father, Richard Williams, a tennis coach, said that he wrote up an 85-page success plan and started giving lessons to Venus and Serena when they were four and a half.
Another example presents to us from the musical industry.
Beyoncé’s parents, Mathew and Tina Knowles, had a huge role in her success; they managed her career from the early days of Destiny’s Child, with Mathew as the co-founder of the group and Beyoncé’s manager.
Conversely, parents’ actions can impact their children adversely too.
Jeffrey Dahmer, a serial killer, had a troubled adolescence. His parents went through a divorce; neglect and subsequent emotional abuse may be the influencing factors for Dahmer’s murders.
Here’s a study on the chilling impacts of emotional neglect on children.
The still-faced experiment
This psychological experiment proves how a parent’s reaction and interactions can affect a child’s emotions and social responses. A mother plays with her facial expressions to understand her influence on the child.
- When the mother smiles warmly at her baby, the baby reciprocates, smiling.
- The mother is told to turn unresponsive and give a severe look. The baby sobers and grows wary.
After making repeated attempts (in vain) to make the interaction full of affection again, the baby breaks into a cry. This may seem like an insignificant experiment, but its implications are mind-boggling.
Think about it.
The mother did not scream at the baby. She didn’t hit him or take away any material comfort. She merely became cold on the emotional front. Yet, that slight frown affected the baby to the core.
In a matter of seconds, the baby burst into tears.
When only a few moments of ignorance by the mother affected the kid so severely as showcased in the experiment, imagine how hurtful and damaging abuse and neglect over the years can be!
Here’s another phenomenon depicting the adverse effects of neglect.
The rise of iPad kids
The number of people using smartphones has grown exponentially since 2010.
I remember when my mother bought her first smartphone. I must have been in 2nd or 3rd grade, and though I knew how to operate a laptop (to play games), this device intrigued me.
To use it, I had to take permission from my mother.
I could have it only for bare minutes in a day. Sometimes my mother and I played games on it together, but my father was absolutely against the device in my hands, probably predicting an addiction.
Most of my time was spent in real-world hobbies: dancing, drawing, playing sports.
That world felt so different.
To call my friends in the park, I used to ring their telephones. To learn about the world, I had to read books and ask the others around. To ask about how people were doing, I used to visit their homes.
Now, this is an ugly sight you see everywhere:
Children as young as two years are glued to the displays of mobiles and tablets, eating and complying with their parents only when they have this source of entertainment with them.
The rise of iPad kids is deeply unsettling for me.
Beginning with the pandemic, screen time for children under 18 has increased by over 52%, from 2.7 hours to 4.1 hours a day. It kills me to see my younger sibling and other children fall victim to this.
This has several adverse implications.
Excessive screen time harms your eyes and disturbs your sleep pattern. It reduces your real-world interactions, leading to a world loneliness crisis. With the rise of reels, your attention spans drop.
Smartphones are essential in our lives; excess of anything is detrimental.
American adults are reading fewer books each year. A study shows that two thirds of U.S. children are unable to read with proficiency. An astounding 40 percent are essentially nonreaders.
Dear parents,
Food, clothing, and shelter aren’t the only basic needs.
Emotions run in our veins as ferociously. We dismiss the importance of affection, but love, attention and empathy aren’t just a want for anyone, especially children.
They’re a need as vital as food in the stomach.
Physical abuse isn’t the only harrowing thing. We often underestimate emotional abuse, verbal abuse and neglect. But they can have a similar detrimental impact.
The way you raise a kid can break or make their whole life.
With the growth of nucleated families and both parents working, the child is often neglected. You find it easier to hand over your mobile to your kid than engage in other activities with them.
If my father hadn’t been strict about gadget usage, I might have been addicted too.
Adolescents who have experienced parental neglect have difficulties controlling their smartphone use. Children who experience neglect from their parents are more likely to underperform academically.
Parenting is the hardest job, hands down.
I know you are drained by your soulless jobs. I know how the cost of living is rising and you are scared of the future. Yet, when you brought a child into this world, you chose this huge responsibility.
This generation’s kids are tomorrow’s future. Don’t you want it to be bright?
So, get involved in your child’s life a little more, without judgement. Engage them to keep them off mobiles as long as possible. Play board games together. Keep track of their studies and hobbies. Know their company.
Above all, let them know how much you love and appreciate them!
It is a difficult job indeed, but worth the pain, I promise you.
You can subscribe to my free newsletter if you enjoyed this post. Thank you.
